The diamond still shines brilliantly on my finger, my heart still treasures his love, and my body continues to long for his sweet touch. I remain married to the most wonderful man in the world. He was not only the Love of my life, but he was my savior. He saved me from the darkest part of myself. He gave me hope, laughter and happiness! That is definitely a two-edged sword!
Although, I feel like the luckiest person alive to have had Manuel in my life for over thirty years, I now must live the pain of living each day without his preciousness beside me. He loved me with every ounce of his being, as I did him, every second of every day of those beautiful years that we were together. My life goes on, but my heart remains with you, Man!
This unbelievable family that we created still lives on. While we were away on our glorious
European vacation, the other date that flags a black mark on my life chart came around. January 11th. It was two years since we lost our beautiful baby boy. How could it be? He always was and remains our miracle child! They said it couldn't happen! Don't ever tell Alex he can't do something. He will ALWAYS prove you wrong! I miss him like crazy and find my heart stopping at the sight of an old photograph of him. Tears swell in my eyes as a thought of his beautiful music or distinct laugh crosses my mind. Again, I say that I was so privileged to have had such a wonderful person in my life, and again, it is a two-edged sword! You just never expect to have to bury one of your children in your lifetime. My life goes on, and I will forever be your Mommy, Alex! You are perfect, just the way you are. You are not broken. I love you!
January is a difficult month for me. This year began with new memories, new places, and a new togetherness for my family. Now, there are five in our family again: me, Crystal, Sean, Max and Robyn. I thank God everyday for them. They are the reason that I am here today!! Through their sorrow and pain, they all reached out to me to help me walk slowly through the rubble of what was my life, and led me into the light of a new life that holds peace and joy once again. How lucky am I that I have the most beautiful, intelligent, and loving son who found his perfect match at the age of 15 yrs. old! She was made for him, beautiful, intelligent and warm-hearted! Then, of course, there is my sweet Crystal Girl! She was born with a heart as big as the all outdoors, a Monalisa smile and a giggle that never quits! She found her knight in shining armor who adores her and keeps her smiling. I must take a moment here to thank these two very special people, Robyn and Sean, for allowing me so much time with Max and Crystal. I am sure that it wasn't easy all of the time. But, please don't think it went unnoticed. Even to the point that you, Robyn, noticed disappointment in my face when I wanted to sit next to both of them and you gave up your seat. And Sean, I knew you were always there for me, making sure I could keep up with the younger ones, or catch me if I tripped. Even if it meant that Crystal was going on ahead. You guys were real troopers! I can never thank you enough.
Thank you all for a trip of a lifetime. I love you all!
